Sarcoidosis And Me
National Sarcoidosis Organization
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To all the Protectors.
To all the Care-Givers.
To the lover, the friends, and the fellows.
I see your efforts, and I recognize them. I thank you for the lack of chastisement. I know I am often helpless. I am weak. I am a shell of a body. I know you are not told often enough that you do damned good work.
You are patient. You wake when I wake. Hacking does that, eh?
You love me slowly. I ache too much to be vigorous.
You talk to me. You drag me up when the weight is so heavy. Over and over.
I see you tire as much as I do. Yours is a fatigue of different causation, yet tied to the same disease I wrestle with. In a sense, Sarcoidosis affects us both. Do you understand how much it matters that I am fighting this disease as part of a team? It is the difference between life and immediate death.
Your duty to love is a harsh one. You cannot make me better. You cannot simply rub it out. You cannot simply fetch a tonic, and have me walk the dog with you once again. Your peace is only as strong as my own sometimes.
I want you to know I see your work. I feel your lethargy. I understand your care.
I value you. I cannot live without you.
You are the air for my soul.
That soul is burgeoned and clean. It is a place where this sickness cannot be. It is a fortress guarded by the walls of your compassion. It is a inner calm associated with your peace. It is a positive refuge by which I know I am alive. Truly alive. No different in the ability to sense life than any other man or woman. You help me see this. To embrace it when the darkness comes.
I am safe with you. I am never alone. You may find your efforts small. You may not know me. Yet I know your love, I know your desire to help. Be it a desire born of love, profession, or empathy.
The prayer you say may never be heard by my ears.
The extra work in the hospital on my behalf may never be known.
The thumbs-up you give me as you look upon your monitor never seen.
I want you to see that I revel in your desire to uplift me: I do, and I do because my life simply cannot BE without you;
My lover, friend, or fellow.
By Nathan ( Snow )